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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24255751">Plan: Bone She-Ra</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/avulle/pseuds/avulle'>avulle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, F/F, S5 spoilers, probably excessive use of the word fuck, probably insufficient descriptions of fucking, stupid dumb bullshit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:02:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,809</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24255751</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/avulle/pseuds/avulle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Catra has a problem.</p>
<p>But it’s fine.  Catra’s also got a plan.</p>
<p>Catra Always has a Plan.</p>
<p>(s5 spoilers)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora/Catra (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>479</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Plan: Bone She-Ra</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by not enough people writing She-Ra/Catra <strike>porn</strike> fic (at least like, six months ago, the last time I searched for it).  So like, morally, this should have porn in it, but I can't actually write that, so.  I hope y'all enjoy people being really stupid at each other, because that's all I've got.</p>
<p>S5 spoilers.  Although like, not as spoiler-y as I expected when I started writing this at one last night. (I don't have a problem, you have a problem.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Catra has a problem.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s a very serious problem.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No one on Etheria may have ever had a more serious problem than the problem that Catra has right now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>We’re talking, Hordak Prime is infiltrating his way into the core of Etheria to blow the universe apart, level of problem.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You see, Catra has never had sex with She-ra.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s never even kissed She-ra!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra is a patient woman. She is definitely willing to wait like, days, for what she wants.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Very patient.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she’s been going with Adora for like three months?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora, widely known to be able to turn into the most perfect specimen of humanoid creature to have ever existed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And she hasn’t been able to get some of that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not that she doesn’t appreciate Adora!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She loved Adora when she was like, three feet tall and had biceps about as wide around as a dinner fork.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She appreciates Adora.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If Adora suddenly stopped being able to turn into She-ra—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No problemo.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra loves Adora, not She-ra.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But like—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Let’s be real here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You can’t just… look at that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And not want a piece of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just a taste.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nobody else can have that, but sucks to be them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra is </span>
  <em>
    <span>Catra</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Also, critically Adora’s (long-term, very committed) girlfriend, so she’s pretty sure she can swing it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Has Catra mentioned Adora loves her?)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Like, a lot?)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Because she does.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra’s got a problem.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it’s fine.  Catra’s also got a plan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra Always has a Plan.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Update.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Plan be-naked-when-Adora-is-She-ra didn’t work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The subplan of be-wet-and-naked-when-Adora-is-She-Ra also didn’t work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(This is a thing for Adora.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Catra’s pretty sure it’s because she’s like rubbing Catra’s fur the wrong way so that it sticks up because Adora’s a little shit.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like, to be clear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not that they didn’t have sex.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They definitely had sex.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Especially with subplan wet-and-naked.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(We don’t need to talk about the weird directions Catra’s fur ended up pointing when it dried.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora just immediately phased out of She-ra mode.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like, instantly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Especially with subplan wet-and-naked.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And, to be clear, Catra has attempted this several times.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If it doesn’t work ten times in a row, it’s not just bad luck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(What, you need to be sure.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(You can’t throw away a good plan just because it failed the first nine times.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Catra is pretty sure she understands the problem.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s pretty sure the problem was that she wasn’t able to properly distract Adora.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>New plan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just as soon as Catra can get all of her fur pointing the right way, because, as has been mentioned, Adora is a little shit.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Update.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Plan rub-against-Adora-while-she-is-She-Ra didn’t work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Which, Catra has to say, is pretty bullshit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora has this thing about Catra’s tail.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>prehensile</span>
  </em>
  <span> tail.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The things Adora has requested Catra do with her </span>
  <em>
    <span>prehensile</span>
  </em>
  <span> tail.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Catra has done… some of these things.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(However, Adora has some very fanciful ides about how rigid Catra is able to keep her tail, so she has not done </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> of these things.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, plan rub-against-Adora-while-she-is-She-Ra had subplan wrap-Catra’s-tail-around-Adora’s-neck-while-she-is-She-ra, and also the subplan hit-Adora-in-the-face-with-Catra’s-tail-while-she-is-She-Ra (Adora’s a freak, okay, it’s not Catra’s fault), and also the subplan rub-Adora’s-massive-thighs-with-Catra’s-tail-while-she-is-She-Ta.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra got a little desperate, so she even gave grope-Adora-with-Catra’s-tail-while-she-is-She-Ra the good old Horde try.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>None of it worked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instant de-transformation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Except for when she attempted rub-Adora’s-massive-thighs-with-Catra’s-tail-while-she-is-She-Ra in court, in which Adora was outrageous enough to not de-transform until they were alone together.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Just to get Catra’s hopes up.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Because Adora is </span>
  <em>
    <span>the worst</span>
  </em>
  <span>.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra is, at this point, about half convinced that Adora knows that Catra wants to bone She-ra, and is being dense just to be obnoxious.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone seems to think that noooo Adora’s an angel but that’s bullshit and Catra knows it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora is the single most obnoxious being on the planet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She has the callicks to prove it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra like, led the horde, and also kinda saved the universe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She can do this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s not going to let something like twenty-three failures in a row get her down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s in an emotionally supportive relationship with the second hottest person on Etheria, who sometimes transforms into the first hottest person on Etheria.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like, not to brag, but like.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Oh yeah.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Suck it.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You might thank that the problem is that Catra hasn’t just told Adora she wants to bone She-Ra.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s not the problem.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The problem is…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The problem is…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra just needs a second, she can figure this out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As previously mentioned, Catra beat Hordak in a 1-1 fight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She saved the universe!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra’s great at plans.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’ll come up with a plan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She just has to stop staring at sleeping Adora’s stupidly beautiful face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Plan push-sleeping-Adora’s-stupid-beautiful-face away has only caused Adora to nuzzle closer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>New plan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kiss sleeping Adora’s stupidly beautiful face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Figure out the new plan after kissing sleeping Adora’s stupidly beautiful face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Result: Wild success.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Catra’s still got it.)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Update.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra’s not a very emotional person.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra has an excellent handle on her emotions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She definitely didn’t cry tears of frustration when Adora stopped being She-Ra the moment before Catra could kiss her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s just.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You know.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whatever.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everything’s fine.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra definitely didn’t run away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Healthy, emotionally supportive relationship.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra is fine.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everything is fine.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra is—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>New plan in progress.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>New plan will 100% work.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Update.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra doesn’t want to call this a failure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This is a definitely a success.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Plan pretend-to-cry-and-then-wait-a-week-until-Adora-figures-it-out-herself was an excellent success.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Plan have-Adora-smirk-at-her-while-she-transforms-into-she-ra-and-then-throws-her-sword-on-the-ground was also a great success.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Except for the fact was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so loud</span>
  </em>
  <span>.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(</span>
  <em>
    <span>So fucking loud</span>
  </em>
  <span>.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(You are dating a cat-girl, Adora, when are you going to fucking learn that your girlfriend’s hearing is fucking a hundred times better than yours.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Spectacular success.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra is now in possession of a number of very valuable pieces of information she is pretty confident literally no one else has.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For example:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She-ra’s fingers are about half against as wide and as long as Adora’s.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Very valuable information.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You might think this would be obvious from the fact She-Ra is about half again as large as Adora in every direction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You might, but it didn’t occur to Catra, so she’s pretty sure that nobody else has realized how vital and important a piece of information this is.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Second example:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She-Ra’s clothing is magic.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What does this mean, you may ask?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It means that, for example (not that Catra has done this or wanted to do this just so fucking much), if you happened to have super sharp cat claws you could just shred She-Ra’s shirt thingy and her weird cape thingy and… just everything else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At literally no consequence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(It’ll just come back perfectly fine next time she transforms.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Even the confetti that is left of She-Ra’s clothes disappears when she de-transforms!)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The other thing She-Ra’s clothing being magic means is that if She-Ra wants to be naked she literally has to rip her clothes off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Very good.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Very valuable information.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everything Catra ever wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Third example:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She-Ra is just.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Big.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Strong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, good things out of the way, Catra has learned something about herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra thought she wanted to fuck She-Ra.  (And also kiss She-ra, and also cuddle She-Ra and also a little bit be carried around in She-Ra’s enormous fucking arms.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And like, she definitely did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s confirmed…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>...several times.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But what Catra has also learned is that not only does she want to fuck She-Ra, she wants to ride She-Ra like a wild boar.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(A… sexy wild boar?)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Whatever, don’t make this weird.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora seems to be under the very mistaken impression that when she is She-Ra she needs to be on top.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra was sort of hoping she would like, catch on?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That this really isn’t required?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But She-Ra is very strong, so gentle nudges to maybe, like, roll over, have not been successful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(And everyone knows using your words is for quitters.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Also, as previously mentioned, Adora is super dense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like, so, so dense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it’s fine.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra’s got a plan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra used to kind of beat She-Ra up for a living.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She can totally physically flip She-Ra on the colossal beanbag that brightmoon seems to think is a bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She just needs to plant her feet, grab the ground with all ten of her feet talons and </span>
  <em>
    <span>heave</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s a very sexy maneuver.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra’s pretty sure Adora fell for her because of her ability to physically throw her when she’s She-Ra.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra’s got this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Update.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh yes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So plan physically-throw-She-Ra might have backfired because Catra might have missed the bed, and accidentally thrown She-Ra into one of those weird beam things holding up the stupid overhang that Adora likes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Catra isn’t a quitter, so she just pushed She-Ra right up against the beam and kissed her until her eyes didn’t focus, and she totally forgot about the fact Catra threw her about five feet right before they were about to have sex.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not that Catra doesn’t like, like, all of the various aspects of Adora.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But like, Adora sometimes does this thing when Catra is on top of her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This thing where she turns really red, and breathes really hard, and stops being able to make word sounds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Catra really, really likes this thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was pretty sure she would like it even more when Adora was like, two hundred pounds of muscle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Catra’s always right.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They may have broken the bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And also like, kind of a wall?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe also like, shook the whole castle?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(It’s cool, Glimmer and Bow were away and no one else was comfortable enough to say “Did you guys fuck so hard you shook me awake at two in the morning?”)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Turns out, when Adora is doing the thing, she’s got a lot less control over her just stupid level of strength.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She also did the thing where she tried to curl into Catra’s arms afterwards even though she’s like, two feet taller than Catra when she’s She-Ra.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra also likes this thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She has discovered one final thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Turns out, Adora can sleep as She-Ra.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unsurprisingly, she sleeps like Adora.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This means that she likes to do the following:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mumble.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Primarily Catra’s name, because, you know.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(She likes Catra a lot.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Not that Catra wants to brag or anything.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nuzzle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The experience of being nuzzled by two hundred pounds of muscle, and also like, probably a good ten pounds of neck muscle is an experience to behold.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Also an experience Catra has no interest in anyone else on Etheria ever experiencing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Moan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Sometimes.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(This is a very positive feature.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All while She-Ra.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Very Good.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Very Valuable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In conclusion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What a great idea.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What a fucking spectacular idea.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra thinks she may have not ever had a better idea.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She also has a new plan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>New plan: congratulate-yourself-on-being-so-fucking-great-by-kissing-sleeping-She-Ra’s-stupid-beautiful-face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>(Result: staggering success.)</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I just would really like us all to focus on how She-Ra is just.</p>
<p>So Big.</p>
<p>So Strong.</p>
<p>I feel like this is not focused on enough.</p>
<p>(Also, you know. Catra's tail.  Catra has a tail.  She has canonically hit Adora's face with her tail.  While purring.  This is also just.)</p>
<p>(Not focused on anywhere near enough.)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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